Old Nick has provided a few lists for those of His followers that are either too lazy or too busy to study proper Satanic etiquette in detail. Yet He finds that neither The 9 Satanic Statements, The 11 Rules of the Earth, nor The 9 Satanic Sins are heeded by His disciples. This baffles The Gentleman, because with so many followers who claim that they were born not made, Satan would expect them to naturally represent the Statements, follow the Rules, and refrain from the Sins even if they had never read them.
They even get confused or offended when they encounter the rare person who exhibits several of the traits that Satan represents, or when someone calls them out on their omissions of traits or their transgressions of the Satanic Rules of the Earth.
Satan is relieved that other religions are filled with hypocrites, because in all other religions virtually any deviation from their requirements is for the better. (His own religion is an exception, of course, because its only flaw is the kind of people it attracts. Satan will not accept hypocrisy within His own ranks.) There are people outside of the Devil’s ranks who consistently obey every rule in His book but the Devil’s followers ostensibly cannot grasp such qualities unless they are accompanied by the Infernal name. And, if so, only if it is the right kind of Satanist, and only if the person withholds such behavior while in their presence lest they get subjected to Satanic reality.
Satan once thought His disciples had turned the “Golden Rule” upside-down: “do to others what you would not have them do to you”—thereby behaving very much how those who preach the Golden Rule conduct themselves in practice. But His followers do not even behave against others according to the Devil’s instructions. God forbid (not to ask you to excuse my French; Satan thinks that God is really the culprit here) that Satan’s followers behave as Satanists or be exposed to any who do.
The disciples of The Evil One make all kinds of excuses: that the Satanic Statements and the Rules of the Earth are helpful suggestions that one may cherry-pick as they benefit oneself. Or that interaction on the internet is somehow not part of the real world so therefore the Rules do not apply. Or that the Statements, Rules, and Sins describe an ideal world (Old Scratch cannot help hearing this as “Paradise”) not the current one.
Satan thinks many of His followers may not have understood what they got themselves into. They desire freedom for themselves but shun the accountability that comes with it. They want privileges but refuse responsibilities. They feel entitled but have not earned the prerogative. They reserve the right to strike but complain at the slightest touch.
Satan thinks they secretly treasure another religion: one that claims that its followers turn the other cheek. One that contends unconditional love. One that relieves them of responsibility because they can blame their behavior on non-existing externalities. One that provides them with the herd that they need. The one that they were raised with.