Myths, legends, and fabrications characterize all religions (except your own, of course). Some will argue that there must be grains of truth in every religious tale but Satan thinks such concessions are unnecessary as one needs not to support any piece of religious fiction simply because it employs coincidental facts. For example, if some fantastic fable may be geographically pinpointed, the only truth that is revealed is that the story was invented by people who lived in or knew about that area. It does not prove any supernatural elements: the fact that the Sea of Galilee exists does not prove that Jesus walked on the Lake of Genesareth as it was then known.
From a religious point of view, there is good reason to provide reality anchors to otherwise impossible situations. Any report that demands belief must be partly credible, and every con artist knows that he must make his marks believe they might have been present to see for themselves had they been so lucky. Miracles occur in the neighboring village or other familiar area, not in a far-away fantasy country so they become obvious fairy tales, and some story must unfold.
The important element is a relatable reality. One must first recognize the profane world to appreciate and identify that a sacred change has occurred. For instance, the Christian rebirth conversion consists of a sinner in the profane realm who receives an experience from the sacred realm and thereby changes into something new. Note that the element of reality is important only insofar as it is relatable. The major narrative is the sacred change that happens to this reality, so the focus lies on the sacred. It suffices that the reality could be true by not violating any known principles of the world, and it may be bent if that favors the narrative. Hence, a newly converted individual will appear more convincing to the congregation if the conversion seems “impossible” and requires a “miracle” and the method is tried and tested: the worse the sinner, the more astonishing the conversion. It does not matter that the sinner may not have been as bad as told.
It is no far leap from exaggerating a little to making up entirely a little helper reality as long as it could have happened naturally, and gossip of repenting evildoers abound to prove the wonder of God’s love. Richard Ramirez is rumored to have repented, although there is no indication this ever happened, and the minister who baptized Jeffrey Dahmer was concerningly fascinated with his notoriously untrustworthy disciple, to name two prominent individuals.
It is, therefore, unsurprising that Anton LaVey, too, is rumored to have repented on his deathbed. The specifics vary somewhat, but their source is generally said to be the nurse who attended him during his last hours. It would be a great story if true, but Satan thinks its reliability is diminished greatly because, despite its news value, this story did not appear until about a year after the passing of Anton LaVey. Some have further argued that since LaVey had suffered from heart problems causing fatal pulmonary edema (fluid in his lungs), he would have been unable to voice any regrets. Satan is not entirely convinced that the latter would have prevented a gasp of remorse, however, as even people with a one-digit lung capacity percentage can be quite chatty. (You would be surprised how people may yet scream at the top of their lungs despite our sulfuric, toxic atmosphere here in Hell.) The Prince of Darkness considers the long delay between having supposedly been heard by the nurse until it emerged as rumors only to be the better argument against LaVey’s deathbed repentance.
The story of Anton LaVey’s deathbed regret is thus one of many Christian anecdotes that establish the mythological universe necessary for any religion. Each anecdote plays only a small part but together, they form a religious glue narrative that helps keep the religion together.
Satan’s own Church is no different in making up its own myths. Anton LaVey constructed an impressive persona whose true identity was not questioned until 1991 when journalist Lawrence Wright investigated LaVey’s past and found that many of LaVey’s claims about his life had been false. LaVey’s second daughter, Zeena Schreck (née LaVey), published a text titled Anton LaVey: Legend and Reality in 1998 that further debunked his claims.
This did not prevent The Church of Satan from still worshiping their founder as an extraordinary person about whom the myths at least provided an accurate impression of his (un)holiness. In Peter Gilmore’s foreword of the 2005 edition of The Satanic Bible, Gilmore admits that “detractors” had disputed LaVey’s authority but is sure to dismiss the relevance, both claiming that most else is true and even expounding on the myth of LaVey’s past. The Church of Satan even went so far as to mimic the fundamentalist Christians who spread stories surrounding the death of Anton LaVey by sharing the remarkable news about nine days after the loss of their founder that LaVey had magically appropriately passed on the eve of October 31st: their Satanic holiday of Halloween.
This seemed almost too good to be true for their religious narrative and indeed, when the local news caught wind of the event, they cited the correct date of October 29th. The Church of Satan immediately blamed the above-mentioned nurse for having entered an incorrect date of death on LaVey’s death certificate (it seems this poor nurse has much to answer for), apparently not stopping to think that if so, the press would also have been misled.
The Father of Lies knows a feebly executed deception and a poor back-pedaling when he sees it and calls His Church’s bluff. Blanche Barton was reportedly with LaVey when he died and would have known that this was not the eve of their High Holiday for which she would have prepared. If nothing else, although Blanche Barton is far from the brightest candle in the votive stand, Satan thinks even she would have discovered that her ideological sugar daddy had been missing for the celebration of Halloween for two days. Trust Satan that it was a deliberate lie by The Church of Satan to pretend that Anton LaVey died on October 31st as a conclusion for their personality myth.
Satan would have enjoyed daring The Church of Satan to produce proof in the form of a signed death certificate citing October 31st, 1997, but is aware that such documents may be doctored. He is content knowing for certain that The Church of Satan, like Christians passing stories about LaVey’s deathbed confession, spread lies surrounding his death intended to sustain the myth of Anton LaVey among the gullible rubes.