Fictional characters are in no position to posit that other fantasy creatures are non-existent or are any less believable than themselves. Satan and His crew, as well as the myriads of gods, inhabit the same realm as the tooth fairy, Harry Potter, Santa Claus, and Darth Vader, who in turn are no less worthy of the attention and seriousness usually reserved for religious figures. Satan thinks it makes no difference whether it is God or Darth Vader who reminds the “saviors” of their respective popular stories that he is their father. Mythical aliens are as real as He.
One thing is clear: the so-called “alien élite” that the Devil’s church likes to mention cannot be its human members, judging from their generally sub-average achievement levels. Satan thinks this élite is instead an alien race from outer space that His church members aspire to become. Wise in the vastness of the Universe, Satan recognizes the exact race, known among other things for the following fine qualities:
- Their religion is about indulgence, materialism, and selfishness, and they abhor acts of altruism. However, they are often quite hypocritical, and their creed is self-contradictory on many accounts.
- They are unbearably smug, considering other alien races to be inferior for being weighed down by counterproductive morals.
- They like to dress up to seem more than they are, applying a somewhat outlandish notion of aesthetics.
- In their daily business, most of them are often double-crossed by their betters.
- They are led by a magus (although to save ink it is written “nagus”).
- They apply their rules of interaction only among themselves. They are not required to follow them against other alien species, yet demand that others adhere to them regarding showing unearned respect and ignore them regarding tolerating abuse.
- They are highly sexist. Their women serve only to amplify the role of the males.
- They reach everyone else only to their shoulders.
- They are easily distracted by appealing to their odd sexual fetish.
- They are highly competitive against anyone who appears to share their beliefs. They often acknowledge that, in principle, such races have some commendable aims but far lacking skills.
- Originally intended as the main adversary, their role soon became that of comic relief.
- Their ambitions rarely meet their abilities, and they tend to disappoint their families.
- They have almost as bad teeth and big ears as Anton LaVey.
Thus, Satan thinks that the role model of His “alien élite” is the Ferengi of Star Trek and His followers are their earthly parody.